“What do you want?” sounds like an easy question. Unfortunately, it often produces answers such as “I don’t know,” “Anything is fine” or “You don’t need to get me something.”
Both players know that their answers will influence the gift, but neither knows what the other person will ultimately choose. This This or That gift game makes the decision easier. One takes 12 turns choosing between simple gift preferences, and other one looks for patterns in their answers and then shop separately.
Remember: You’re Playing a Game
There is little room for disappointment when both people treat the exchange as a game rather than a test. The final gift matters, but so does the time spent considering each answer and choosing something thoughtfully.
Knowing that someone made time to think about you, and that you did the same for them can become a meaningful part of the gift itself.
Don’t Try to Direct the Other Player
There is no hidden gift that the other person is expected to guess, and your answers do not need to form a perfectly consistent pattern. This is not a test or a race. Choose whichever option feels right in the moment without trying to guide the other player toward a specific purchase. Once you have both finished answering, you can review the choices, notice any useful clues and begin thinking about what to buy.
How to Play the This or That Gift Game
You need two players, the questions below and somewhere to record each answer.
1. Play together
You can play the game taking turns one by one, reading each pair to each other. Both people should answer every question so that the progress remains balanced.
2. Choose one
Choose the option that fits you best at a sitting time run. Try not to explain every answer, choices keep the game moving.
3. Spot the pattern
After finished the answering, look for repeated preferences. Does the person regularly choose practical, sentimental, personalized, useful or experience-based options?
- One answer provides a clue. Several related answers provide a direction.
4. Choose the gift separately
Agree on a budget and, if needed, a date for exchanging gifts. Each player then shops separately using the other person’s answers.
You do not have to buy exactly what an answer suggests. The choices should guide the gift without revealing it.
The rule that makes the game work: Keep the final gift a surprise.
This or That Gift Questions
You can replace, remove or add questions to make the game fit your relationship, occasion and interests. However, try to keep your questions organized into categories like the example above. Keep each pair simple, balanced and focused on one preference at a time.
Round 1: What Makes a Gift Feel Right?
Start with the meaning behind the gift.
- Practical or sentimental?
- A physical gift or an experience?
- Something to use often or something to keep for years?
- Something you already want or something you would never think to request?
- One main gift or several smaller gifts?
- Something for your life now or something connected to a future plan?
Round 2: Where Does It Fit Into Your Life?
Now identify the part of their life the gift could support.
- For home or for taking with you?
- For productive time or downtime?
- For mornings or evenings?
- Connected to a hobby or useful in an everyday routine?
- Something to enjoy alone or something to enjoy together?
- For relaxing or trying something new?
Round 3: What Feels Like You?
These answers help the giver choose the design and emotional tone.
- Personalized or classic?
- A photograph or a written message?
- Simple and minimal or bright and expressive?
- A neutral color or your favorite color?
- Funny or meaningful?
- A familiar style or something completely different?
Round 4: How Should the Surprise Work?
Finish by deciding how closely the giver should follow the answers.
- Something from your wishlist or the giver’s own interpretation?
- An upgraded version of something you own or a new kind of gift?
- Ready immediately or worth waiting for if it is personalized?
- A safe choice you will definitely use or a bolder surprise?
- A gift on its own or a gift combined with time together?
- Traditional wrapping or a playful reveal?
Want More Clues?
This game works best when both people know they are exchanging gifts. If you want to discover someone’s preferences without revealing your plans, use these subtle questions to ask for gift ideas.
For a birthday exchange, you can also learn how to ask someone what they want for their birthday without making them select one exact product.
Frequently Asked Questions
How many This or That questions should we use?
Ten questions are enough for a quick game. Use all 24 when you want a more complete picture of each person’s preferences.
Can more than two people play?
Yes. Each person can record their own answers, but you should decide who is buying for whom before shopping or at the end of the game. For larger holiday exchanges, a Secret Santa questionnaire may be easier to manage.
Should we explain our choices?
You may explain unusual answers, but avoid discussing every possible gift. Too much detail can reveal what the other person is considering. but if you're okay with this idea, maybe forcing a bit for fun, your choice.
Do we have to follow every answer?
No. Look for repeated patterns and use them as guidance. The purpose is to make the gift more suitable while preserving the surprise.
The Gift Is Still Your Decision
The game does not select the final present for you. It simply replaces one difficult question with a series of easier choices.
Play together, notice what matters to the other person and then choose privately. Their answers will point you in the right direction while leaving enough room for a genuine surprise.
